I’m new to this whole “mom thing”.

The day that I met our babies, I had an undeniable love for them. In fact, I think the love that I have for them existed even before I met them. Love is a marvelous and mysterious thing. You can love someone so much, yet be so hurt by them, or get so frustrated with them.

As I bond more and more with our daughters and get to know them on a deeper level, I have noticed that there is a vulnerability that comes along with deep and meaningful relationship. I knew this vulnerability existed in my relationship with God, my husband, my siblings, and closest friends – but I never expected it to exist in my relationship with my children, at least not while they are young.

The vulnerability that I am talking about feels like this open wound in my heart that can be poked and prodded at anytime! Hearing my children talk about a painful memory can cause this “wound” to bleed; having my children want someone else more than they want me can rip it open. Seeing my children fall and hurt them self physically can cause worse pain than if I were to be the one who fell, and witnessing my children battle sin and dysfunction at such a young age is probably the worst of them all and the hardest on this Mama’s heart.

As much as my heart aches for my children and experiences pain – it has also experienced some of the greatest joy since becoming a Mama! Teaching my children learn to swim has me beaming from ear to ear, hearing my children learn new words makes me so proud, watching my precious daughters mimic what Mama does has me in tears(the good kind), and having my baby learn to pee and poop on the potty feels like we have conquered the world – together! Who would have ever thought that there would be a time in life that it was appropriate to kiss someone while they sit on the potty, I guess there’s a first time for everything!

I am learning that in motherhood, joy is found in the simplest of things, and there is no material thing that could bring me more joy than these precious girls have brought me. Until becoming a Mama, I don’t think that I had fully experienced the highs and lows of every emotion on an almost daily basis. The saying really is true, “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” -Elizabeth Stone

I don’t have this whole “mom thing” figured out yet, but we are making progress and pressing on, even when we hit a bump in the road. I am so grateful for the outpouring of love and support we have received as we are learning to become parents – I can’t imagine traveling this road without friends to laugh and cry with!

xoxxox

Leeanne

Babywearing is something that I have been doing to aide in bonding with our 1 year old (and deal with her when she’s fussy), and our 3 year old has picked up on that and is now “wrappering” all of her babies. So precious! They really do learn from example!