Preparing for our adoption journey has been messy, exciting, and terrifying all rolled into one. I imagine many aspects of preparation are similar to becoming a biological parent. There are multiple areas of our lives that we have had to “get ready” to become parents, a lot more than I can cover in one blog. I wanted to spend some time tonight writing about a few of the things that we have done to prepare for parenthood in our personal lives as well as a hurdle or two that we have come across in the process.

One part of preparing for parenthood that Joe and I have spent a lot of time on is reflecting on our past together – doing our best to glean from our childhoods the values that we were taught and the ones that we believe are most important. We have been faced with the task of figuring out how we want to parent, and in what ways we want to do things similarly and differently than our parents did. Walking down memory lane has been full of both happy and painful memories, there has been a lot of growth that has come from thinking and talking through our childhoods and preparing for our children’s future.

Another aspect of preparing for parenthood that we have had to deal with is the advice and opinions of others. Preparing to become a parent means having lots of people share their thoughts on parenting and even their views of your capabilities; some of this advice we have sought out and at other times it has been abrasively given. Some of this information is super helpful and insightful – and when that is the case, we are so grateful.

This past week I have struggled, dealing with the kind of opinion that isn’t asked for. I was upset about one person’s opinion for a few days this week – the person didn’t say anything to me, but rather to someone who is close to me. The hurtful words that this person said weren’t asked for, but I really took them to heart and let them upset me. I was telling my Uncle what happened, and he reminded me of something so so important. He said to me, “You know Leeanne, the longer you hold on to these words, the more power you are giving them. Sometimes it’s the people who are closest to us that can hurt us the most, but if you are able to let go of these words and realize that they are just one person’s opinion you will be able to move on. You know that what this person said isn’t true and I do as well, and if you can keep that perspective, if and when something like this happens again you will be able to brush off the untrue things that are said and not allow them to bother you.”

How beautiful and true is that?! So often I get caught up doubting myself and I am paralyzed by fear of the harsh words and/or opinions of others. I imagine that with parenthood, I will get more and more unsolicited advice, but having the ability to filter the advice spoken in truth and love versus the overly critical and untrue advice is going to be and is already so important! Friends, don’t let the hurtful words of others terrify you or rule your life, untrue words are only as powerful as you allow them to be. You are doing a good job, you are enough, and there is a God who loves you just as you are and exactly where you are. Your circumstance does not define you, nor do the opinions of other people. Surround yourself with people who are willing to support and cheer you on, and when need be, who will correct you in truth and love!

One last thing that I wanted to talk about is this crazy element of excitement that has come upon me while preparing for parenthood. It’s amazing! So many unknowns and anticipated moments that wait just around the bend – it is so thrilling! I am so excited to know how many children we will be blessed with, how old they will be, if they will be boys or girls, and what they will look like! I also dream about the day that my first child calls me Mama – and I long to hear their cute little voice make out the word. It brings tears to my eyes dreaming about the future – our great feats as a family, and even our struggles. I pray already that amidst the struggles we can draw nearer to the Lord and to one another. I also burst with joy when imagining our community of friends embracing our children and coming along side us to show them a kind of love that they have never known before. There is SO much to be excited for!

We are hoping that we have learned enough from our parents, healed enough from our past hurts, and are able to submit fully to Christ and his leading in order to successfully raise secure and healthy children. We are so excited for what the future holds, and have been so blessed already just in our process of preparing for parenthood!

xoxxox

Leeanne

I want to give a brief overview of the “Adoption Process”.

Rumor has it that the “process” is long and grueling; so I thought it would be beneficial for me to give some insight on what we have learned. Here’s a list of events which must be completed in order to have a child placed in your home in Contra Costa County (concurrent placement):

1. One parent must attend an orientation – the county usually has these meetings monthly. It is here that the foster/adoption process is presented by a social worker, there is also a chance to ask questions so I would recommend coming to this meeting prepared with any questions you may have. You will also receive some preliminary paperwork at this meeting.
2. Submit first packet of paperwork to the county – once they receive this, they will be sending lots more paperwork your way! You will also be assigned a county social worker at this point.
3. Get your Live Scan (digital fingerprinting) done for the county
4. Submit remaining paperwork to the county – when your county social worker receives all of you paperwork he/she will refer you to an adoption agency. Contra Costa County uses Lilliput. The adoption agency will then contact you (via mail), and assign you an adoption agency social worker who will mail out your first paperwork packet that the adoption agency needs completed.
5. Submit all paperwork to the adoption agency – there were a few different packets of paperwork that we had to fill out.
6. Have your employer fill out “Proof of Employment” form.
7. Both parents are required to get a physical and have the doctor fill out a “Doctors Report”.
8. Both parents are required to get a TB test.
9. Go back to the Live Scan place, and have a second one done – this time for the adoption agency. Don’t forget to moisturize your hands before going! Haha – unless you want to be doused in hand sanitizer in hopes of getting a fingerprint that the dumb machine can read!
10. Have your first in-home meeting with your adoption agency social worker.
11. Both parents must sign up for and complete 27 hours of PRIDE classes – parenting classes, which are helpful and a great way to network with other couples in your area who are going through the same process.
12. Get CPR certified.
13. Complete your home study – 4 in-home interviews with your adoption agency social worker.
14. Home inspection – which is last, but not least, and it is completed by your county social worker.
15. Complete 36 hours of HERITAGE Classes – Optional, but strongly recommended if you intend to foster/adopt a baby or child under 4. This step is not required for placement. The HERITAGE Classes focus on the care of and resources for drug or alcohol exposed and HIV+ babies.

I know that seems like a lot of stuff to do, but it has moved along pretty quickly for Joe and me! I have been pleasantly surprised with the organization of the county and ease of the process. We started the process in October and are on track to have our checklist complete by the end of April. 7 months is pretty quick if you ask me – you can’t even grow a baby in your belly that quickly! If all goes as scheduled, starting in May we could get a call for placement!

Soon I will share more about where Joe and I are in our “process”!

Until then,

xoxxox

Leeanne

Joe and I got married on April 26th, 2014 – it was a magical day! I couldn’t imagine a more perfect wedding day! I remember people asking, as our wedding day approached, if we were planning on having children soon after we were married; my response was always, “we aren’t going to prevent it, so whenever it happens!”.

Adoption was something that we had talked about wanting to do someday, but I imagined it happening differently. Prior to getting married, when I dreamed about my future it would go something like this: first I would marry an amazing man, next we would get pregnant and have a couple of biological children, and then once things were settled down we would adopt a couple more babies. I have always dreamed of being a Mama.

We got married, and each month that passed without getting pregnant felt like it was some kind of mistake. I felt so much insecurity and doubt. People get pregnant alllll the time, I mean, even people trying NOT to get pregnant “accidentally” conceive. Why wasn’t it happening for me? I eventually started to relax, and on February 28th, 2015 I found out that I was pregnant!!!!!!! FINALLY! Joe and I were SO excited! I didn’t even know how to process the fact that there was a tiny human growing inside of me. Talk about a miracle!

We got to experience the excitement and joy of knowing that we were pregnant for about a month, then at the end of March 2015 our precious baby went to be with Jesus. I remember the night that it happened; I was so scared, yet overwhelmed with peace as I prayed that God would wrap his arms around our baby as he entered the gates of Heaven. I laid in a hospital bed and mourned my loss and the ability to ever be able to hold our baby, but knew without a doubt that our tiny baby was in the arms of the God. If there is any one who is more capable of comforting a child than its Mama, it is most surly God.

Life after having a miscarriage was (and still is, at times) rough. There is nothing that can prepare you for it, but oh how grateful I was to have the same God that was comforting my baby, comforting me as well. I am so blessed by the experiences I have been through, if only now to know how to better help others through them.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3&4

About three months after our miscarriage, Joe and I were standing in the kitchen when he looked over at me and said, “What are we waiting for?”. I was confused and proceeded to ask him what he was talking about. He went on to tell me that he thought we should pursue adoption. We had the space at home, we knew we wanted to adopt one day, we loved children and felt called to take care of the fatherless, and if we weren’t preventing pregnancy – why weren’t we pursuing adoption? For a few days I was unsure… this idea went against how I had envisioned my life… it threw off the order of events that I had imagined. But after thinking, praying, and surrendering our “family planning” to God, I had an instant peace about moving forward with adoption.

Joe and I started the adoption process on October 7th, 2015 (three days before what would have been my due date). We had researched for a couple of months before going to an adoption orientation. At the orientation we were given a brief overview of what a county adoption (foster to adoption) typically looks like. Since we attended this orientation, we haven’t looked back! We have been up to our ears in paperwork, meetings, and classes, physicals, TB tests, etc. – and we are so excited for what the future holds!

We aren’t adopting because we can’t have babies – Lord willingly we will have biological children as well as adopted children one day, it is all in His timing. We ARE adopting because we want children, and feel called to loving and adopting the “unwanted” into our family, as God has so graciously loved and adopted us.

“But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!”” Galations 4:4-6

Let the crazy ride of parenthood begin!

xoxxox

Leeanne

My first blog post – YAY! Soon I will be writing an overview on where we are currently at in the adoption process, and how we have come this far… butttttttt…

Today Joe and I completed our required 27 hour parenting class!!! WOOHOO! So I wanted to share a little project we did with you guys!

One of the class requirements was to create a “welcome page”. Basically we were supposed to give a glimpse into our lives using ONE sheet of paper. This “welcome page” is something that we submit to our social worker (who will be looking for a child (or children) for us) and it is something that she can glance at to remind her of who we are and what we are about.

So, here it is:

Honestly, I was slightly dreading this parenting class because it seemed like sooo many hours, but it ended up being a really great resource and we were able to network with other couples in our area who are going through the same process which was super encouraging.

We are looking forward to sharing this journey with you all! We are so grateful for all of the support that we have from each one of you, and we have only just begun!

xoxxox

Leeanne