It’s 1am and sit awake, unable to sleep, on what will be the day of your adoption. I am thrilled and so emotional anticipating the events that will take place today. We have spent the last couple of weeks (and months) talking about and preparing for today! Everyone is so excited! We have been talking a lot about being a “forever family”, “meeting the judge”, and “getting ears pierced” in preparation for today. I have also tried to explain “happy tears” to you girls so that you wouldn’t be confused as to why mommy (and others) may be crying today. We have done our best to prepare you girls and ourselves for what is to come.

As I sit here and think, Audrey Lee and Colette Marie, there are a few things that I want you to know…

I loved before I met you, and even before you were born. For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a mother. I didn’t know when or how my dream would come to be, and there were painful times when I feared it would never happen. But our God is so faithful and has blessed me far beyond my wildest dreams by giving me the responsibility of being your mama.

From the moment that I heard about you, I desperately wanted you. I will never forget the second that I laid my eyes upon you; my heart was overwhelmed with such joy and emotion at the thought that this could be it – you could one day be my daughter. I didn’t know how long it would take for us to bond… but despite my petty fears, there was an instant connection. We were a perfect fit; literally a match made in Heaven.  Instantly, I considered you mine. I may not have physically birthed you, but I couldn’t be anymore in love with you than I am. You may not look like me or have the same color eyes, but I joyfully and sometimes painfully feel as if you carry a piece of my heart around with you wherever you go.

I don’t think that this feeling of having a part of you walking around outside of your body is new, but it is new for me. Never did I think that such a small person could effect me in so many big ways, but you have. You have turned my world upside down in the best way possible. You have caused me to stop and enjoy our precious moments at home reading, playing, and having dance parties together, as well as male me second guess everything that I thought I knew when trying to answer the 1,000 questions a day that you have. Sometimes I get frustrated, but my love for you always ALWAYS outweighs the momentary annoyances. I imagine that as you get older, there will be more frustrations and at time friction between us, but I hope that you always know, above all that God loves you and so do I. I love you so much that it hurts.

Among the happiness and excitement that is going on in anticipation of your adoption, there is also a sadness and pain lingering. Sadness in what feels like the permanent loss of your biological parents, and pain to think of the things they have already missed out on and will continue to. I hope and pray that you would never allow the choices that others make to define how you view yourself or determine your self worth.

As we embark on this journey of forever, I hope that you always know how truly precious you are. You are so wanted, intricately designed, stunningly beautiful, spunky, a ray of sunshine, smart, highly valued, a light in the dark, worthy, irreplaceable, deeply loved, and from this day forward, you are (officially) my daughter.

You, my precious daughters, are my dream come true!

I love you always and forever.

Mama